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  • sarahjanefehlberg


As young tots we are often told be independent, be confident, be strong.

SO when we become young adults there is often a dialogue that follows..

Show a brave face

Don’t cry

Don’t show you are upset in front of this person or that person

Sit up straight

Brush your hair

Don’t show your vulnerabilities

Be strong

Be confident

We live in a society of people who are becoming more and more “independent” “strong willed” “career orientated” “entrepreneurial” “Fierce” “confident”

I have been viewed as a confident woman from time to time I am actually told this is how I come across.

A status I don’t feel you can really say one is, but more so, becomes.

It was because of this I felt the need to explain why confidence isn’t always what it seems and I’m sure I’m not alone in my way of thinking.

I think people forget where confidence comes from. Instead they see the present self (the person they are perceiving to be confident) and assume “they have their shit together” It's then the comparing starts….

But what about that persons back story? How they got to where they are today.

It didn’t start with confidence I can assure you that.

Strength and confidence in me came after years of learning, breakups, friendships, change, growing, falling over and over again, more than one time with a broken heart and lots and lots of tears.

Have you ever thought of why babies don’t get discouraged when they learn to walk? They fall over so many times but it doesn’t really seem to bother them, they just get up and try again. Why is it that we as adults can take a fall and find it so hard to get up again? Where along the line is that childhood essence of not giving up, lost on us as adults?

In a world of the digital age where we can often catch ourselves comparing to the façade of others on social media, we can get lost in the fake fronts people, friends, colleagues can so easily create and forget about a person’s true back story.

We present what we want people to see, not what we don't.

Are we too busy looking at our phones to actually talk to someone about their journey?

Are you showing up in the wrong places like snapchap and instagram but not to a phone call or a catch up with a friend?

We are so quick to judge, to assume, to compare, I just want women and men to step back for a second and really take the time to understand each other and truly start to care, listen.

I do believe somewhere down the line social media is effecting our day to day interactions of being real, honest and vulnerable with each other. Hence my need to share this – on social media, go figure!

I believe our vulnerabilities are our strengths, and sharing them makes us stronger, relatable, more united and internally confident.

So it got me thinking, why don’t we share our vulnerabilities more. Is it because we see a confident woman or man and think she/he is or never has been vulnerable?

We don’t want to show our vulnerabilities to the world or to each other in fear of looking weak, in fear of being pitied, in fear of having your vulnerabilities on a table in front of you, for then we will actually have to face them.

Is it because we have a warped perception of others “you’re doing so well” we assume this statement we say to each other is true.

What happened to stopping by and actually asking how that confident woman or man may be feeling in what they are doing and how they are going?

When did we loose the basic human nature of nurturing, feeling, caring and supporting one another.

When did it become a fear to share with each other?

I saw a Meme recently; I think it came out around a campaign for mental health that said;

“Ask your strong friend if they are ok”.

This rang really true for me, as often as people perceive me to be a confident woman and that perception comes with the assumption that I am always ok.

Just because he/she is confident, doesn't mean they are always ok!

Assume and you make an ass out of you and me. Old dad joke kinda saying but rings true..

Just because we seem “ok” on the outside doesn’t always mean we are and its totally OK not to be!

It's OK to cry when you feel something, express what you are thinking and be honest with yourself and others about what might be going on for you.

So how can we change the way we view and act in order to feel confident in ourselves? and NO i'm not a guru - these are things I'm working on also!

· Be ok with being vulnerable and showing up as your true self to others.

· Be there for others but also says yes to yourself first and foremost and be ok with that

· Stop comparing where others are in their lives to where you are in yours

· Be content with who and where you are. Its not a race, its your journey, enjoy it!

· Let down that big wall you hold up and start showing your true self, you’ll find deeper connections, truer friendships and I promise, someone on the other side of that wall saying “me too”

With love and vulnerability,

Sarah x

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